Wow, so much has changed in so little time. Let's start at the very beginning, with the stuff that doesn't really matter. On Wednesday at confirmation we had this anti-semitism awareness thing. It was interesting, but stupid. The person who was running it made us do this activity where we decided if we thought there was a problem with anti-semitism in our schools, if there wasn't, or if we weren't sure. She then told each group to define "problem". I took leadership of my group, as did Leigh and Josh apparently. We all answered our questions, but when I was answering for our "no-problem" definition, she kept twisting my words. Witch. Then we all got different questions to answer. My group came up with a good answer, but when it came to answer time she only had the "pro-problem" give their answer. She then asked everyone who had changed their minds to move. Obviously, people moved to the "pro-problem" side because we weren't given a chance to defend ourselves. Oh well. On Thursday evening I organized a group trip to the mall for Friday, and a meeting at Scott's for Saturday. Within the span of about an hour it was cancelled, un-cancelled, and changed. But in the end we were all going. I was really psyched, this weekend was going to be awesome. Then on Friday when I got home, my dad informed me that he found a letter from about a month ago that I had intercepted containing my progress report. Oops. He grounded me, cancelling both of my plans. He also cancelled my trip to England this summer, and restricted my computer usage. Needless to say I was pretty pissed off. Not to mention the fact that my sister was very unhappy with me, justifiably, for lying to all of them. I was in a bad mood. I mean bad. Like, really bad. I was extremely frustrated with my life in general and how I keep getting excluded from group activities. I wished I could run away from my life. This train of thought led to the consideration of suicide. I could usually easily eliminate that from my mind by thinking about my friends, but my outlook and self worth and self pity were at an all time low. The fact that I considered it scared me. It scared me so much I told my dad because I was worried about myself. He called my therapist's emergency line. After that I wrote an email and sent it out to most of my friends whose email addresses I knew addressing what was going on. Meanwhile, my sister spent roughly an hour and a half distracting me from my depressing thoughts. Eventually we decided she wasn't calling back so we called the suicide hotline. Some police came as first response and talked with me because they had no idea how stable I was and made sure nothing happened. It was cool, when one of the cops went over to talk to my dad he had his hand on the tazer in the back of his belt for protocol I guess. Eventually the ambulance came and some EMTs took me to the hospital. On the way there I chatted with them. They were really nice and chatty. They asked me if I had planned suicide to any extent. I figured it was as simple as stabbing myself in the heart. They explained to me how painful and messy that would be. This discouraged me further. I don't know how I'm supposed to say that without sounding like I want to die. It's unnecessary discouragement, but it still added to my list. They had to take my blood pressure like three times, god knows why. Once we got there I went into the triage room and then to the psycho ward. The made me give them all of my possesions, including my clothes. Hospital clothes suck. The pants almost fell down like five times. I preoccupied myself with playing chess until the psycho analist came to interview me. She asked most of the standard questions, plus a couple interesting ones. She asked me if I could have three wishes, what would they be. I answer that everyone would be happy, that everyone would come back from the dead, and that I could have superpowers. Kind of silly, but true. Then I went and watched "Friends" as she interviewed my dad who had, by this time, come to the hospital. There were only two other somewhat active people in the ward. I believe one was a masochist, but I have no idea. The other was some girl I'm assuming came off the streets of Hartford. She looked like a pothead, and was somewhat apathetic towards the staff. She kept saying that she was fine and wanted to go home. She paced alot. Eventually she asked me what my name was, and we chatted civilly and casually for a bit. It seemed like forced conversation, but she was nice. Eventually they took her out of the ward because she would be spending the night. They informed me that I would be going home that night. After awhile they gave back my clothes and stuff and I left with my dad. Once I got home I wrote a second email informing everyone of what had happened. My plans for the future are to see a new therapist and find a suitable anti-depressant. Today I basically got up and read "And Then There Were None" most of the day. We went out to Pizza for my sister's birthday and when I got back I partied vicariously via telephone. Scott and Jason did alright at states on a topic that I had an overwhelming amount fo resources for. I should have been going to states. I finally finished the book at roughly eleven and was somewhat surprised at the ending, although at one point I had the right idea. I guess that's pretty much my account of the past week. I am really sorry for everyone I may have worried and want you to know that I'm safe, just very unhappy. Since my computer use is limited I urge anyone to call me, since I can't chat online I have no escape from reality, so calling me helps. Finally, we will close with a list of my most asked questions on Friday:

1. Do you perform acts of self mutilation?
2. Do you take any drugs?
3. Do you see any professionals for help?
4. Have you planned suicide to any extent?
5. Have you ever had suicidal thoughts before?
6. Have you ever taken drugs that you have since discontinued?